


Raven’s Flight

by squeezedoutofmiracles



Series: Taakitz Pirate AU [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universes- Kingdoms, First Meetings, I wish I was joking, M/M, Pirates, kismisetude, seafaring swashbuckling and high sea hijinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-11 15:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13527117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squeezedoutofmiracles/pseuds/squeezedoutofmiracles
Summary: First meeting of Taako - The Mongoose, The Etheral Scourge of the Seas, Pirate Menace - and Kravitz, the Royal Admiral of the Raven Queen’s navy. It goes as well as can be expected.—Inspired by fanflock’s beautiful (nsfw) fic, I got an itching for Pirate Taakitz, and guess what it’s MULTI CHAPTER dear lord.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [temptation's got a hold on me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197751) by [fanflock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanflock/pseuds/fanflock). 



> Edited by the fantastic starmaid (twitter and tumblr)

The breeze whipped sharp across Kravitz’s cheeks as he peered through the spray from the prow of his ship, knuckles tight on the railings.

“BRACE FOR IMPACT!” he shouted to the crew strewn across the deck. There was a well coordinated knot of movement as they surged to their stations, hanging to the rigging and gripping the railings, as their helm crushed up against the Starblaster’s.

In a sickening, splintering crack of wood on wood, the ships crashed together. The deck of the Starblaster was all but empty, a scattering of bodies, the ghost ship with a rag-tag skeleton crew. Causing more problems than anyone would have thought possible. 

Theft, destruction of property, arson, rigged gambling, illegal fight rings, enough trouble for a fleet of fifty poorly coordinated ships. From seven crew members.

It was a mystery how they did it, but most evidence pointed to the fact that the bulk of their crew were magic users. The most prominent being the Mongoose.

Not the captain, not the first mate. His actual role within the crew was unclear, but he was the largest thorn in Kravitz’s side since he’d taken up the role of Royal Admiral under the Raven Queen, long may She reign, and he hated having jobs linger on his roster. 

Kravitz staggered from the railing, long coat whipping around him in the sea spray as water slapped onto the deck. The wind coursed about them as three red shapes darted around on the Starblaster’s surface, one wrestling with the wheel as their sails strained, trying to pull away from the Raven’s Flight.

A long and graceful streak of red surged to their railings. Teeth gritted, long ears pointing out from under a tall wizard’s hat, waving both arms at Kravitz and yelling incoherently.

Kravitz looked to his crew, a busy tide of rhythm trying to steady their ships against each other and brace to board, fighting to pull the ship close enough so they could lash the two together.

“HEY, SHITNUTS!”

Kravitz’s eyebrows shot up under the brim of his admiral’s hat. The elf had an abysmal, grating accent. None of the reports had deigned to mention it.

“YEAH, YOU. FUCKER. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.”

Kravitz frowned, brows furrowing deeply as the wind whipped and caught the edge of the elf’s cloak; it billowed out behind him, lighting him against the grey sky. Their ships pitched and the deck of the Starblaster rose twenty feet above Raven’s Flight, allowing Kravitz to see with alarming precision the exact moment at which the elf made a bad life choice.

One high-booted leg was slung over the barrier. And another. Kravitz had a moment to wonder if the elf would plummet into the sea rather than surrender his ship before it clicked. Kravitz shoved away from the railings, preparing to catch the elf as he fell.

Feather Fall left Kravitz braced on the deck for an agonising amount of time as the Mongoose, ethereal scourge of the seas, Raven’s Bane, floated gracefully down to the Raven’s Flight’s railings, hat fluttering in the wind.

“Listen, I really don’t have time for this, so let’s just get it over with,” the elf said, setting a hand on Kravitz’s own hat as he stepped onto the deck with a decisive heel tap. Reaching inside his robes he pulled out a delicately curved white wand.

Most members of the naval ship hadn’t noticed their red-coated guest and were still hurrying about trying to bring the ships level. Kravitz was about to reach for his sword when, to his surprise, the wizard turned and hurled the wand, over-arm, to clatter back onto the deck of the Starblaster. For a moment Kravitz stood, mouth slightly open, trying to work out the exact details of this offer which was certainly a trap.

“Well?” said the elf. “Come on, pumpkin, we don’t have all day. I’m a busy man.” He stuck both hands out towards Kravitz, wrist-up. “I’m Taako, I’m a Scorpio, I like long candlelit dinners and getting the fuck on with things, let’s GO.”

There were so many inconceivably flawed parts of this plan. There was no earthly way that this elf would just go quietly, allow himself to be arrested and taken back to the Raven Queen’s dungeon and brought to rights. But Kravitz would be damned for missing an opportunity like this. He nodded sharply to his nearest crewmate, one of the few to have noticed the intruder. Manacles clapped around Taako’s wrists a moment later, and a hand planted itself square between his shoulder blades, shoving him towards the steps down below deck.

“Oh shit, we doing it like that, huh? Alright, thug.” Taako raised an eyebrow at the crewmate who had shoved him and glanced at Kravitz. “I’ve heard things about the Raven Queen’s legendary hospitality. I suppose that doesn’t extend to her little birdies, now, does it?” He straightened himself up, tossing his hair out of his eyes and strutting to the door unhindered.

Kravitz threw a poisonous look at his crewmate. “Deal with the rest of the crew,” he said. “Bring them down as they’re captured. We’ll make quick work of this and set home before sundown.” He placed a hand on Taako’s shoulder as he followed him below deck, shutting the door behind them and leaving his crew to deal with the remains of the Starblaster’s crew.

The lanterns in the corridor flickered as the cannons boomed, sending reverberations through the cabin. Kravitz steered Taako into the rig, past some railings and into a cell with a chair in it, ignoring the sound of splintering wood far off as cannonballs punched holes into the side of the Starblaster’s prow. Taako turned, ears pricking in the direction of the devastation.

“Ooh, you’re going to regret that one, boy-o,” he said, giving a low whistle and sitting down with a flourish of red coat. His hat tipped on his head as peered around in the low light at iron grates either side of them. “Cosy.”

“Why give yourself up?” Kravitz said sharply. He was standing by the door of the cell, watching Taako from a distance with a healthy amount of caution. Kravitz was competent; well versed in dealing with liars and thieves and those who would evade the law, but he had never seen someone literally jump ship so early into a fight. “You’ve evaded capture for months, why give yourself up now?”

The wizard yawned. “Oh, you know. You’re just too good for me, I suppose. You’re so good at your job.”

Kravitz could hear the poorly-suppressed snort behind his words, and didn’t care for it. “This is the flagship of the Royal Navy of the Raven Queen, you will watch your tongue.”

“Sure shit, cupcake.”

Kravitz could actually _feel_ the feathers on his mantle bristling, and his eyes went wide. “You are in the hold of Raven’s Flight, under the personal guard of the Royal Admiral, it would do you well to-”

“Oh, yeah, you did a real good job of getting me here and all, didn’t you?” Taako leaned forwards, looking up at Kravitz under the brim of his hat and crossing his legs. “Your lady will be so proud of you. Bet this’ll make a great story, won’t it? How hard you fought and won my capture, how your crew fought until their fingers bled and you beat me in armed- Oh, wait.” He snickered, flashing a gap-toothed grin with delicately painted lips.

“And why didn’t you put up a fight?” Kravitz was beginning to suspect, with clenched teeth, that Taako had done it purely to be able to make fun of him for it.

Taako shrugged. His coat slipped off one shoulder, though he did little to mind it. “Like I said. I’m a busy man. Got other stuff to be doing, errands to run, towns to terrorise. What are my charges, hmm? How many babies have I eaten to earn such,” he snorted, “auspicious attention?”

Kravitz paused a moment, and Taako batted his eyelashes.

“Or are bounties running low in the Kingdom of Death right now?” Taako said.

“I. We.” Kravitz cleared his throat forcefully. “You will have your sentences read to you when your crew is brought together.”

“Shame. I was wondering how many counts of petty theft you needed to rack up before Her Majesty sent Her pet reaper after you.” Taako leaned back, glancing at his nails.

Kravitz could feel his soul boiling. He glared at the elf, stony and silent, and took a deep breath through his nose.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself? For the lives you disrupted, the people you left in your wake on your seafaring crime spree? Those were good honest ships, royal fleets, people working to provide for their families.”

“Oh, please. Do you really eat that bullshit? You just lap up whatever she puts in your dog bowl, Kravlova?”

“Ex _cuse_ me?”

“Oh, goody, I get to teach the reaper about sea-communism.” Taako rolled his eyes, uncrossing his legs and leaning forwards again, pressing his hands together. “Sometimes. Things that are legal. Are worse.”

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Kravitz muttered, turning to the door and listening for noises above deck. There were sounds of conflict, FINALLY, steel clashing on wood and the crackle of magic spilling over the deck. His crew would handle it. They were competent, more than competent, the best the kingdom had to offer, and he had seen the Starblaster’s crew. Six magic users and a fighter, and one of the magic users was down in their hold, with magic-nulling manacles clapped around his wrists.

“Oh, don’t you? You going to leave me unattended, Kravvy?”

Kravitz felt something inside him physically recoil at both syllables of that horrific nickname. “Don’t _ever_ call me that again.”

“You gonna make me? You gonna shut me up, buttercup?”

Kravitz could practically feel the breeze off the elf’s eyelashes from there, with the force he was batting them. What was his play? Keep him distracted? Keep him busy? If that was Taako’s aim then Kravitz supposed it was working, but he trusted his crew to keep the ship running while he questioned the first of their captives.

“If you’re playing for time it’s pointless,” Kravitz said. “We outnumber you ten to one, and now we have the Starblaster’s most _proficient_ ,” his lips curled around the word like it tasted bad, “magic user in our keep.”

Taako laughed, high and shrill, throwing his head back. “You think _I’m_ the best that shitheap has to offer? Ooh, boy, that’s rich. I’ll tell her that, she’ll like that.”

Kravitz wrinkled his nose, throwing a wary glance at the door, the uncomfortable feeling of things spiralling beyond his control growing larger and larger. And against his better judgement, against every self preservation instinct he had, he asked the question anyway.

“Who?”

“My sister.”

Kravitz felt the back of his neck prickle as Taako’s face split in a wide sinister grin, right at the same moment as the quartermaster came barrelling in through the door, batting at the hem of her coat and breathing deep and ragged.

“Captain, sir, the ship-”

Wordless, Kravitz stared at her, the most competent person he’d ever had the honour to sail with, throwing her coat off and stamping on the hem. The smouldering hem.

“It’s all burning.”

Kravitz’s snapped his head back around to the Mongoose, sitting in the most comfortable chair in their hold, thighs crossed like he owned the joint, and Kravitz was the most unwelcome intrusion. Kravitz gritted his teeth, hand gone tight by his side. He lurched back towards the door, taking a single step before it was blown inwards off its hinges.

“It’s OK, it’s OK…” A voice warbled from the dust and splinters. A gust of heat followed her form in, red cloak whipping around her as she brushed dust from her shoulder. “The party has arrived.”

The captain and the quartermaster of Raven’s Flight, the most professional and high ranking sailors in the kingdom, stood aghast side by side as this spectre of flame and red fabric stepped through the doorway. The smell of smouldering wood brought Kravitz to his senses, and his hand flew to the handle of his sword, glistening and silver at his hip. He was beaten to the punch, however, as the newly arrived elf pulled a motherfucking gun on him.

“Ah-ah-ah. Not so fast. I’ll be taking my brother with me, actually.”

“Took your time, huh?” Taako muttered, appearing beside Kravitz, who’d frozen with his hand on his sword, palm covering the raven’s head pommel. The captain looked to see the once-captive Taako rubbing an unbound wrist, all his weight slung over one leg. Free. How? Those manacles were dwarven-forged, able to stand a small apocalypse, there was no way-

Kravitz saw the raven feather dangling loosely from Taako’s free hand, and recognised the notches carved in it instantly. Kravitz’s hand flew to his hat, patting about for the statement feather which had been tucked in the brim, a favour from their Majesty, from the Queen Herself, to gift him safe travels and a speedy return and…

He caught a wink from Taako as the elf tucked the feather into the band on his own far wider hat, and seethed.

“You play the damsel in distress so well!” said the other elf. With her gun still trained lazily on Kravitz, she smirked and patted Taako on the shoulder, tweaking the feather in his headband. “But now we really should be going.”

“How far do you think you’ll get?” the quartermaster snarled, her hands by her sides, itching to draw her weapon.

“Far enough,” the new arrival said, sending a wink their way as she and the Mongoose headed for the door.

The elves had barely stepped onto the deck when a huge red-coated body flattened the both of them, shoving them up against the railings.

Scrambling up after them, Kravitz leaped the last few steps, coat flying and sea-spray refreshing on his face against the heat of the very real and actual fire all about him. The Mongoose and his sister fell in a string of curses as the Starblaster’s one and only fighter, I'Morko, caught off-balance, fell upon them once again. Kravitz took the chance to draw his sword, and the rest of the Raven’s Flight descended on them in the window of time the siblings had before their spells fully charged.

A stun spell straight to the back of the fighter’s skull from the quartermaster knocked him out cold, and the elves screeched as his body went heavy over them, giving the crew time enough to draw weapons on them in a screech of well shined metal and crackling hands.

The pair of them wore expressions similar to cats who had been thrown into a pail of water. Heaving ineffectively at the body of the fighter, his sideburns pressed up against Taako’s face, they struggled to the bitter end. The bitter end snapping shut around them a moment later when their cleric fell from the rigging, making a hearty smack against the decking of Raven’s Flight, his pants sagging just a little too low for the collective comfort of its crew.

They were arrested, again, and read their charges. Kravitz watched as the royal sorcerer aboard Raven’s Flight wielded seawater to put out the fires, leaving the Starblaster to burn as they cut ties with it and allowed it to drift slowly away, holes punched in the sides letting it sink slow and painful.

There were seven of them, all told, four in a neat pile and another three still resisting, cut off from their ship, unarmed. The gnome fought most viciously, both humans submitting when they saw their burning ship sinking, one of the masts creaking ominously. Better to live upon a stranger’s ship than sink on your own. They were pirates, after all. Cowards.

Kravitz was just taking a moment to breathe, to learn the faces of their new captives and make a plan for their arrest, when one of the humans screamed.

He whirled around, coat tails whipping in the sea breeze, to see the Director reaching out to their sinking ship, eyes wide and mouth wider.

“OH MY GOD,” she screamed. “ANGUS IS STILL ON BOARD.”

Everyone froze. Kravitz snapped his head to the pile of bodies and saw the ears of both elves wilt at the same time.

“Oh, fuck.”

“ANGUS!”

“Who is Angus?” Kravitz said, voice low as he looked to the sinking ship, the creaking of its rigging, the way the deck was starting to blister.

“Please, _please_ , he’s just a child, he’s only young. We picked him up at Rockport, he didn’t have anyone, he’s hiding in the hold, please, he’s scared, he’s never been in a fight before-”

Kravitz jumped into action before the woman finished her sentence. He turned to the Starblaster, shrugged his coat off, set foot on the railing, and threw himself across the growing gap between them. His nails sank into the old frail wood as he heaved himself up onto the deck that crackled and groaned. He raced below the decks.

It was dark, and the crackling was lower, further off, a wall away from him with the magical fire looming above. He could hear yelling far off and started throwing open doors, encountering bedrooms, store rooms, the captain’s quarters with a wide desk and windows that overlooked the looming sea. Something shifted in the dark when the tide heaved up over the glass panes, and Kravitz felt his stomach lurch.

“ANGUS? ANGUS?” he shouted about the room, turning and scrambling to the next, another bedroom with two beds, full of gold and silver and books strewn about, then a store room piled with the treasures the Raven Queen’s kingdom had been trying to seize for _months_. More beds, more clothes, lives interrupted, and... A long piece of canvas that had been tied across the corner of the room, a book lying open in the middle of it. Some child’s detective novel.

Kravitz felt his throat swelling. He swallowed hard, yelling for the child again, running to another room.

“YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SCARED, I… I’M NOT HERE TO HURT YOU, ANGUS. WE NEED TO GET OFF THE SHIP, YOUR FRIENDS ARE ABOARD MY VESSEL, WE NEED TO GO _NOW_ -”

There was a scream, and a splash, and Kravitz felt his blood pump slow and cold all through him. Another scream, and another. Splash, splash, splash. Kravitz surged back aboard the deck of the Starblaster just in time to see I'Morko heave Raven’s Flight’s first mate over the railing into the churning sea between them.

Kravitz stood on an extinguished deck, barely touched by magical fire.

The crew of the Starblaster stood, fully conscious and barely scratched, aboard the similarly extinguished deck of Raven’s Flight, the elves blowing off their palms and rubbing their temples from the strain of the illusionary magic they’d been channeling. There was a small child standing on the railings, waving, gap-toothed and beaming, held in place by the calloused hands of Magnus Burnsides, who grinned over his head.

“I’m sorry sir!” the child shouted, hands cupped around his mouth. “I know it’s wrong! But we’re just borrowing it, I promise, and we’ll return it very quickly!”

“TURN THAT SHIP AROUND!” Kravitz roared as they pulled away, Raven’s Flight’s sails straining in the wind, and the captain spinning the wheel as the gap between the ships grew. “THAT’S MY SHIP! BRING BACK MY SHIP!”

“SORRY BABES, WHAT?” the Mongoose cupped a hand to his ear, and Kravitz wished very much that he had a gun.

“GIVE ME BACK MY SHIP!”

“YOUR WHAT?”

“MY _SHIP_!”

“YEAH IT IS A NICE SHIP!”

“FUCK YOU!”

The elf fell backwards laughing onto his sister, and Kravitz seethed. The Director frowned disapprovingly and reached to cover the child’s ears, saying something Kravitz couldn’t hear over the howling winds and his crew yelling up at him to lower a rope into the sea so they could haul their soggy corpses out.

The child raised a backwards hand with two fingers raised on it, and Kravitz saw the Director slap it back down with a hissed command, and the pirates all fell about laughing like it was family fucking fun time on the beach, and they hadn’t just commandeered the flagship of Raven’s fleet.

It was, in all honesty, sickeningly impressive.

They pulled away, the ship sailing towards the horizon like a swan skimming the waves, and Kravitz, Admiral of the Queen’s fleet, was left to heave his crew from the water like a pack of drowned rats.

\---

The journey homewards was miserable.

Their clothes dried on the rigging as the sun mercifully broke the next day. Several of them sustained injuries (though they maintained to Kravitz’s face that “the other guy got it worse”) and were useless for helping to work out the way the ship should be sailed. A hole had been burned in the mainsail, so progress back west was painfully slow, and they couldn’t find a replacement.

How? How did a ship this big not have a replacement mainsail?

Kravitz commanded his crew to patch it with the bedding from down below deck, and it was left looking like a fanciful patchwork, red and gold sheets against the beige sails, but it caught the wind well enough and they headed home at a tolerable pace.

The captain had to be a gnome. Of course he did. So Kravitz couldn’t use the captain’s quarters, with his half size bed. No, he got to use the elf’s room, and he got to share it with his second in command, because they all shared, like animals. Six crewmembers fitted in the fighter’s bed, and a halfling took the hammock the child had been using. There was no shortage of fancy materials to make hammocks from, and some slept in the rigging, hanging in sleep sacks. They looked like pirates themselves by the time land and the castle itself pulled into view, polished and shining and black on the skyline. They were all various degrees of sunburned, their clothes tattered. The only changes aboard were ill-fitting and… red.

And yet, when they pulled into the Raven Queen’s harbour, Kravitz standing on the front deck, the whole crew deathly quiet... There was. A fanfare.

Kravitz swallowed the lump in his throat, blinking slowly and counting his breaths. The Admiral of the fleet coming home on a war-torn enemy ship with red-coated individuals on the deck. He knew exactly what it looked like. And that was why She was playing the victory fanfare.

It took a horribly long time for the ship to dock (it wasn’t built for the Raven’s port, the hitches were in the wrong places, the ropes weren’t long enough, it was excruciating) and for the gangplank to be provided from the other side (they had LOST the Starblaster’s gangplank, if they’d ever owned one in the first place, it was a shambles) and Kravitz walked across first, head held high like a man with dignity walking to the gallows. He bowed low in greeting to Her Majesty, the Raven Queen, come to personally witness their return.

She offered Her hand draped in silver and he kissed it solemnly, standing straight as his crew filed out behind him, all looking remarkably like a pack of dogs with their tails between their legs. He cleared his throat as the fanfare trailed off, black-coated musicians lowering their trumpets from which hung the Raven’s sigil on fine silver tapestry. The crowd that had gathered fell silent, gentry and soldiers and naval officers all standing by the upper banisters of the docks, sailors on surrounding ships climbing the riggings to watch the legendary Starblaster come to its final resting place.

“Kravitz. I trust you have brought me good news?” She said, Her voice soft and whispery.

Kravitz shivered. “My Lady. If we could... talk privately, for a moment?” He glanced to the crowd and back to her, not quite meeting her eyes.

She had never been smiling. But somehow her face got colder, and a murmur went through the crowd. Somewhere, far off, a raven called out, and it rang about the harbour like a church bell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second contact, this time it’s personal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey if you all haven’t seen this you need to.  
> 
> 
> Some fanart for the fic by my incredible and talented friend Finch which can be found [here](https://finxhes.tumblr.com/post/170352153419/drew-some-fanart-for-my-good-buddy-kraavitzs)
> 
> Looking at it now I honestly still crease up every time I see it. How dare you.

“How. Exactly. Does one lose a ship?”

Those had been Her words. Dripping icily as the congregation waited outside, eager to see the tattered and beaten bodies of those that dared oppose their kingdom marched through the streets to the dungeon, never to be seen again.

Kravitz had to explain that not only had they lost the ship, but also the captives that they’d meant to be bringing back on it. And all of the imperial supplies upon it.

Her Resplendency, the Raven Queen, Reapersmith, had stared. Long and hard. And it had almost frozen Kravitz’s heart over. He’d looked away first, and She hissed a sigh through Her nose, a bird on the windowsill cawing loudly.

They would send word to the kingdom that any unexpected allies in Ravens ships were not to be trusted. And ten thousand gold pieces had gone walkabout from the royal coffers. Also if anyone in any allied forces were found to be in possession of stolen Ravens-wear they were going to be strung from their own rigging.

Kravitz went to bed with a headache. He could see the shitty blunt masts of the Starblaster, stubby and brown in place of the sleek pointed ones of the Raven’s Flight that usually sat outside his window. He lay there. And he seethed.

He barely slept, most of the night spent replaying the events that had led up to his employer so thoroughly trouncing him. The way the elf had jumped ship, sashayed into his cells, and Kravitz had FOLLOWED. Like an idiot he’d kept him _conscious_. Kept him in a single set of manacles. Let Kravitz talk, run him in circles. And meanwhile their plan had been winding its way over their decks the whole time. And Kravitz had been there, below deck, utterly absorbed in proving the elf wrong.

And his shitty lopsided smirk wouldn’t leave Kravitz’s head either.

There was a gap between the Mongoose’s two front teeth. And he smiled with the right side of his mouth. It was impossible to forget, even with Kravitz’s head stuffed under a pillow, how he’d laughed at him. Laughed! In the face of the Royal Admiral of Raven’s Fleet.

It was a disrespect Kravitz couldn’t possibly allow to go unpunished, but there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

Her Majesty wouldn’t allow him to board another boat for a month, at least. He was landlocked, as a tiny fraction of his punishment. She’d ordered the tailors to tear the stripes of the epaulettes of his jackets, and take the feathers from every piece of formalwear he had. There was a solstice ball coming up, she _knew_ he’d be needing to wear them. It was an unparalleled disgrace…

All the while the Mongoose roamed the seas. Strutting about _his_ ship, probably sleeping in _his_ bed, more than likely changing into _his_ clothes from the chest in his room. Lord only knows what the fighter would be wearing; they didn’t have any crew members his size. He was probably strutting around nude like some animal.

It made Kravitz so angry he found himself grinding his teeth in his sleep, waking up to ravens crying at his windowsill at the crack of dawn with an aching jaw.

Five nights of useless sleep was more than enough to drive any man insane. Eventually he cast off his sheets in the middle of the night and put on his robe, stepping out into the corridor.

The castle corridors were cool and empty at that time of night, the light of the new moon thin and pale through the windows, with only the occasional passing night guard to break the peace. Kravitz strolled to the palace gardens, a courtyard in one of the highest reaches of the castle, open to the sky with ravens grooming on the many straggly trees, roosting in the highest branches and picking at the fruit that grew there. They bristled at his approach, soothed only when they recognised him, tucking their heads back into their feathers.

It was silent in the garden. The stones were cold under his feet, a welcome relief. Kravitz closed his eyes and took a moment to breathe, trying to coax his mind to stillness, allowing what was beyond his control to quiet for a moment so he could find peace.

There was a sudden, unmistakable clattering of heavy armour at the entrance to the gardens and hissed cursing, growing closer. Kravitz sighed, looking up with furrowed eyebrows to the ravens in the branches who glared at the interruption behind him.

“Oh. Kravitz, sir, I didn’t... didn’t think you’d be up here.”

Kravitz rubbed the bridge of his nose and turned around, shaking his head. “No. Of course not.” He looked to the night guard, raising an eyebrow, the bruises under his eyes standing out even in the low light of the moon. “I didn’t think _anyone_ would be up here. That was rather the point.”

“I mean-” The guard faltered, looking back the way they’d come, bending at the waist in an overdue bow with a creak of heavy metal that made Kravitz grind his teeth. “Forgive me, sir. I didn’t think you’d be up here so fast. I was about to send that raven to Lady Istus, sir, you don’t need to do it yourself.”

“Myself?” Kravitz rubbed at his eyes, far too tired to be dealing with some nonsense like this. “I have no intention of contacting Lady Istus. I’ll be seeing her at the solstice ball.”

“Oh. I. You said.”

Kravitz lifted his hand from his eyes and watched the guard, letting them stammer to the end of their clause. He should never have left bed. This was infinitely worse than staring at the ceiling.

“Only. You said for me to send word. To Lady Istus.”

“And when did I do that?”

He had _not_ done that.

“Only a minute ago, sir, I swear it. I came straight from the docks. How...” The guard paused, lifting their visor from their eyes, looking at him closer. “How did you get changed so quickly? And beat me up here? I thought you were heading straight to the ship, it’s being loaded for you now.”

“I say this in the nicest way possible, my kind fellow, but what in the whole fuck are you talking ab-”

Kravitz froze.

He had never been at the docks. He had never been heading for the ship. He had never told this guard to send word to Lady Istus. But someone had.

“What were you told to say to Lady Istus?” he said, blood running cold.

“To expect your arrival? I only stopped to order the supplies aboard the Starblaster. They’re loading it now, should be finished in minutes, sir, I told them to hurry as you said-”

Oh, by the Raven.

Kravitz brushed past the guard in a sweep of silken dressing gown, throwing himself towards the stairs.

“RAISE THE ALARM. WE ARE UNDER SIEGE!” he shouted, words echoing back to the garden as he shot down the stairs, bare feet skidding on the stones as he descended, chased by a chorus of disgruntled ravens screaming after lost sleep.

That idiot. That absolute bare-faced liar. There was only one person cowardly enough to sneak into their kingdom in the dead of night and steal back the ship they’d rightfully captured. The Mongoose had a well documented penchant for glamour, and Kravitz should have known earlier that a whole wardrobe of a naval admiral’s clothing would be too tempting for him to resist.

God, he hated him so much. It wasn’t enough to steal the flagship of their fleet, but now he had to come back and take what they had traded?

It couldn’t happen. Kravitz would never hear the end of it. The Queen would string him from the mast of whatever boats they had left that the Mongoose and his shitty ragtag crew of embarrassments hadn’t stolen from under their sleeping noses, and demote him so far he’d be mopping floors in his grave.

Kravitz burst through the door into the armoury, vaulted over a table of bracers, knocked an intricately carved shield flying, and ended up on a balcony five floors down from where he started, It overlooked the loading bay, where a steady trail of half-asleep workers carried what seemed to be _the entire contents of their coffers_ onto the deck of the Starblaster.

For a brief moment Kravitz saw nothing but a dense mist of red, until he noticed a figure waving an arm very extravagantly. A figure in a familiar three-cornered hat, with a raven’s feather tucked in the brim, wearing the very distinct uniform of the royal admiral.

“Yes, yes, hurry up, we don’t have all night!” the figure said, in a voice that sounded almost nothing at all like Kravitz’s. “I’m very important!”

Kravitz felt the air get sucked out of his lungs as he nearly keeled over the stone railing at the sheer bare-faced _cheek_ of it all. RIGHT HERE. IN HIS OWN KINGDOM. HE HADN’T THOUGHT HE WOULD NOTICE.

“HEY!” Kravitz roared from the railings, leaning so far over he was on the brink of toppling. Every member of the pantomime playing out before him stopped and turned, and he could hear a very faint and cockney “oh, fuck” from under the admiral’s hat. 

“...WHO ARE YOU?” the imposter said. “WE’RE VERY BUSY.”

He looked almost _exactly_ like Kravitz. The high cheekbones, the scar trailing from his eyebrow to his jaw, the colour of his eyes, except he worked the face all wrong. His mouth sloped sideways, an eyebrow was permanently raised, and his arms were held aloft near constantly. And he looked, uncannily, just a little too good. With the top buttons of his shirt undone, and his cravat puffed up a tad too much. Fucking hell.

“I’M KRAVITZ,” Kravitz yelled. “ADMIRAL OF THE RAVEN QUEEN’S FLEET, AND YOU’RE _STEALING_.”

With that he hurried to the steps, face contorted with rage, hair flying free from the tie at the back of his neck. The mimic version of him hopped onto the gangplank to the Starblaster, hurrying a servant onboard with a box overflowing with silverware.

“Um, no,” said the imposter. “Actually, _I’m_ Kravitz. I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, you crazy man, coming down here looking all homeless in your dressing gown-”

“I will pull the skin off your bones with my teeth,” Kravitz hissed as he stalked closer. Servants threw themselves out of his way. A box crashed to the docks and splintered as a crack shot up the side; some old books spilling onto the wet cobbles.

“Wow, that is highly inappropriate, and not at all something I would say,” Kravitz The Second said, holding his hands up as he backed onto the Starblaster, trying to nudge the gangplank aside with his toe.

Kravitz stamped on it, following him up onto the deck, the deck that was absolutely groaning with the weight of the crates. There were others on board, taking the shape of people he recognised, people he trusted. But his quartermaster was standing with her legs spread a little too far and leaning her weight against a recently-tarred mainsail, getting wood stain all over her uniform. The first mate was rummaging through a box of old spell books, not wearing the glasses they’d needed since they were five. And there was a small child on board dressed in the halfling’s naval uniform, except the Raven Queen’s armed forces didn’t take applications from ten year olds.

Everything about the picture was just far wrong enough to set Kravitz’s stomach churning. He stepped closer to the elf wearing his glamour like a tacky party outfit, and stabbed a finger at his chest.

“Get every single crate off this ship, _right now_ , or I will destroy every last one of you.”

“Oh, uh, wow crazy man.” The imposter’s accent was starting to slip through, and he reached up to adjust his hat - _Kravitz’s_ hat - and Kravitz smacked his hand down with a snarl. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I think you need to take a trip to the medical wing, that this palace definitely has-”

The imposter was cut short when a third Kravitz swaggered out onto the deck.

“Now now, what’s all the holdup then?”

The accent was bad enough to raise the dead, and Kravitz stood there, mouth agape, eyebrows furrowed so hard you could have forged diamonds between them.

“Lup, for fucks sake,” Taako said, softly, but full of feeling.

“Oh, balls,” the third Kravitz muttered, reaching to adjust their hat.

“I told you I was doing the admiral. What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing for the last half hour?”

“I don’t know, because it sure as fuck wasn’t leaving the dock, because we’re uh-stILL HERE?”

“I’m WORKING on it!” he yelled, throwing an arm out at the dock, where some servants still stood, mouths agape, clutching the last boxes they’d been about to load onto the Starblaster.

A bell rang, cutting through the silence like a battle axe through butter. Kravitz hissed a sigh of relief, shoulders sagging as voices raised inside the palace.

A serving hand valiantly set foot on the gangplank; face set, determined to retrieve some of their palace’s lost treasures. But at the exact same moment a red-haired side-burnsed man rushed across the deck and booted the gangplank cleanly into the harbour, the serving hand tumbling after it.

There was a heavy moment of silence after the splash, until the others in the group dropped their crates and turned, bolting back inside the castle and further raising the alarm. It seemed to rally the Starblaster crew into action, shake them up until the crew’s fighter drew an axe and swung it with both hands at the docking rope, the first of several that lashed them to the dock. It fell away with a heavy thunk as the axe embedded itself in the Starblaster’s scuffed and scratched up handrail, the rope falling into the waters below with a far away splash.

Kravitz gritted his teeth, regretting not bringing his sword with him in his hurry. Nonetheless he squared up to the pirates still on deck, two of them still wearing his visage.

“You are NOT taking this ship,” he said, feet firmly planted, drawing up to his full, regal height. “You will never make it out of the dock alive. This is your _last_ chance to step down and come peacefully before we are forced to-”

Both wizards cast a force push at the same time, flinging their hands towards Kravitz and launching him backwards, the flimsy wooden barrier splintering as he was blown straight through it. The wind was knocked out of him as it broke across his back and he hit the water like a dead fish, sprawling.

He came to the surface, gasping. Freezing sea water sank into his clothes, making his limbs stiff and heavy as he treaded water, hair plastered to his face.

“Sorry, pumpkin!” the Mongoose’s voice warbled from the Starblaster.

Kravitz threw his hair back out of his face, scowling. The elf had reverted to his former appearance, and Kravitz hated how well he wore the loose shirt, the hat at a jaunty angle, naval jacket unbuttoned down the front.

Taako blew his fingers, steam still pluming from the tips, and waggled them in a goodbye. “We’ll have your ship back to you! But we really need this one for pirate things!”

“Yeah!” came another voice, and his sister came up alongside him as the boat started to pull away, night breeze filling the sails and stirring it to life. “We’re actually just gonna buy hella moondust and whores? Hope you’re OK with your palaces gold plate being used for that!”

Kravitz stewed in the sea, shrugging his dressing gown off as it started to weigh him down. It was hopeless. Once the Starblaster’s sails filled, the boat pulled out of the harbour with alarming speed.

Magic missiles shot up into the air from its decks as it tore away, six side by side, and exploded in red plumes of flame, one half burning down and the other sizzling as they fell through the still night air. Kravitz treaded water, watching the ship pull away, and wondered if it would be better to let himself drown there and then rather than face the wrath of-

“KRAVITZ.”

An unnaturally loud voice crackled from the balcony, and every head in the harbour whipped around to see Her Majesty, the Raven Queen, in Her sleepwear. Her hair was loose around Her shoulders, wide and wild, face bare and whole without the crown to obscure Her piercingly pale eyes.

“SEE ME INSIDE.”

She swept around in a wave of thin silken robes, slamming past Her waiting servant and closing the shutters behind Her so damn hard that the crash was audible from the sea itself.

Kravitz let out a soggy sigh, and swam to the steps from the water. As he heaved himself out he turned his head to see the Starblaster on the horizon, silhouetted by the rising sun, sparks of celebration still firing in every direction. And he could have sworn he saw the water between them ripple with a gigantic black tentacle stirring the water’s surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tune in next time for what happens when Taako tries to crash the Raven Queen’s Winter Solstice ball.
> 
> -
> 
> Endless thanks to @starmaid on tumblr and twitter for editing this, thank you so much, you make it flow so much better and make writing sessions a joy again

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Drag Your Cities to the Sea (No Light, No Light)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344364) by [Desiree_Harding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desiree_Harding/pseuds/Desiree_Harding)




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